Dating was once thought to be fun. Yet, it seems more like an algorithmic match making. Instead of meeting new people, dating apps select for people a match. The worse part is that men and women deprive themselves of something genuine due to their prejudices and bias. There are challenges that come with courtship. Men have to make the first proposal and women may find it difficult to know what they want. The change in sex politics has impacted courtship and marriage. Issues related to appearance, social status, race, religion, culture, and personal belief system become complications. Women who are active in certain arenas that were considered male only face challenges in dating. Female athletes may get find dating a little more difficult due to bias from potential bachelors. The unfortunate aspect of this is that women may internalize prejudice. There are women who strength train or are athletes who are afraid of being stronger than men. The lugubrious post from a female weightlifter on a forum demonstrates this fact. Lora Garrick writes about this phenomenon. Garrick even reveals women avoid wearing certain types of high heels so they will not be taller than the men they date. It is sad that in an age that preaches women’s equality and girl power that this remains a debate. If a woman were to say she is afraid of being more intelligent than a man this would cause criticism. This an observer can see is from another time period. The topic of strong women and dating brings into account various difficulties. Devoting one’s self solely to one preference could limit options. There is a problem judging a person by their appearance and using that as a measure of their worth. Modern dating has become nothing more than a business transaction, rather that a joyful event.
When people talk about a partner, there are certain attributes they find attractive. Generally, men and women have a preference. This could be related to body type, structure of the face, or height. The unfortunate part is that the mass media gives a distorted image of what beauty is. Beauty can have different meanings depending on personal opinion and culture. Society demands that both men and women follow the specific beauty standard. However, men and women who do not conform are often ostracized. There is resistance to rigid standards, yet the desire to have rigid personal preferences remains in tact. There is nothing wrong with having a personal preference or standard. The problem is rejecting a potentially good relationship with someone who does not fit the preference. The weightlifter that Garrick mentions may lose a relationship or have trouble finding others if she is more devoted to preference. She says she only wants a big strong man and rejects men who are weaker than her. She feels that the only man she needs is one that lifts. This is limiting her options for potential relationships. There is no reason our female weightlifter can date an average man. Thinking like this is superficial and shallow. Thoughts have been articulated by men who find strong women unsuitable.
There are men who say they do not want women with bigger biceps than theirs. Certain comments are either produced from either close mindedness, insecurity, or myopic views of women. The men who say this have never dated such women, but make judgments. The strong woman should not be so quick to dismiss a man different from her. Otherwise she would be imitating the detractors who constantly disparage her athletic accomplishments. Preferences should not stop a person experiencing different people. It also from a point of statistics limits the dating pool. Ultimately, it is the individuals choice who they select, but the process could be sabotaging a relationship.
As awful as this behavior is many people judge people by their looks. Other behaviors that are more blatant such as shallowness are condemned, yet this behavior is more acceptable. Concepts of beauty or ugliness are subjective and relative to a certain taste. Women might fin thin men attractive, while others do not. There are men who like the idea of a strong woman. The reason women may be afraid of becoming stronger than their boyfriends or husbands is that they will reject them. The notion is that if a woman becomes too powerful in any sense it emasculates the man. The male body for a longtime was a symbol of strength, power, and might. Muscles were the symbol of male strength and authority in terms of visual representation. While all men did not fit this image it is the one associated with traditional masculinity. Strong women have created a new aesthetic. Strength and muscle is no longer male only. Women have been advancing in various fields and sports is just another. The traditional femininity was meant to emphasize a woman’s weakness. Women had to appear delicate and helpless. Even with the feminist movement women still either promote or internalize this restrictive concept of femininity based on appearance. Muscular women even have doubts about themselves. If a man is truly confident he will not be concerned if you are stronger than him.
Looks do not last forever. We eventually age and do not look the same. A relationship based on looks is fragile. If people want something substantive, it would based on a person’s character. However, people are too blinded by appearance to make these give these matters serious thought. A large portion of men and women value people only for their appearance. The worst part of this is that they treat people they perceive as more attractive better. The people seen as undesirable are treated worse. Behavior like this may be difficult to detect, but victims of it definitely feel the effects. Rejection is common place in the dating market. Some people just may never find anyone. The reason may be people’s immediate repudiation of others based on appearance.
Modern dating seems more like a business transaction, rather than an enjoyable outing. Technology has to a degree been managing our lives. Now it has control of our interpersonal relations. Dating websites and apps use algorithms to match couples together based on data collected from user profiles. Searching for a date or starting a relationship seems more like looking for a job. The process seems more like an interview, rather than a friendly exchange. There are qualifications that are both physical and personality based that a person has to meet to even be considered. Even if a small dialogue is established nothing may come of it. Technology cannot be completely blamed for this phenomenon. A world that has become too materialistic and obsessed with consumerism had an unintended consequence. People only value one another for their status. This does not effect men and women on an equal level. Men need to have higher status than the women they date otherwise they will not get attention. Women with high status are criticized if they date men of lower status. Some may not even think they are worth it. This partially explains why men struggle more to get relationships or married. It also explains why highly accomplished women could find themselves lonely. Men either feel intimidated or insecure when attempting to approach them. More so it is a feeling of not being good enough. This dilemma between men and women make them not even try. Nothing will happen unless an attempt is made. Sadly, some get so hurt they give up or go to a negative place psychologically. Loneliness is now become a public health issue. Incels and femcels are becoming organized groups of people who are frustrated with their failures with the opposite sex. This problem is barely discussed or even recognized as an issue. People must start valuing one another again. If not this could have devastating social consequences. Divorces are more likely to happen due financial strain, rather than irreconcilable differences. The reason being is that people are marrying based around status and resources rather than actually loving one another. This is a good reason why dating should not be modeled like a business transaction.
One should also stop and wonder why is a woman who is stronger than a man seen with so much negativity. There may be some unspoken fear that their will be a female take over or women want to get even with men for past abuse. So far, there have been no amazon matriarchies emerging. Certain men may feel that sports and physical strength is the only thing they have left in world of constantly changing roles. Even when they see a woman who is physically impressive they either mock them or disparage their accomplishments. Women also hide their talents believing if they show off too much it will scare men off. Women even pretend to be less intelligent to not offend some insecure men’s sensibilities. Men who claim to be liberal minded, even draw the line with women who have significant strength.
Being different or not following the status quo can limit the dating candidates, but at least a person can be happy with themselves. It seems strange to give up what you like or change yourself to satisfy a person. Real love is liking a person both faults and strengths included. The strong woman does not deserve such intense vituperation. The problem with this world is people love too little and hate so much. That must change. Everyone deserves love at one point in their life. For men who reject women because they are too strong, you could be missing out on a fun and unique experience.
Lora Garrick concludes her article with some advice to women strength athletes. The first point she mentions is that physical strength has advantages. The improvements to health have been scientifically conformed. Physical protection is the least discussed. Garrick states that women would be in a better position to fight off men who get physically aggressive in a relationship. Domestic violence is too common in both dating and marriage. Women are in this regard at a disadvantage seeing as men have more physical strength on average. Strength could ensure women’s personal safety, yet do not underestimate the importance of self-defense. One could be strong, but not an effective fighter. On a more positive note having more strength can also help your significant other. If a man unable to move or needs physical assistance, this would not be a challenge for a strong woman. Garrick also in a facetious manner says just go to gyms and find strong men there. The women may want to expand their horizons, but that means sometimes going outside their dating preferences. Women have an easier time starting relationships, because it does not require as much effort. Men have to pay for dinner, approach, and make plans. The issue is not the amount of effort. The problem is that is not equally distributed among the sexes.
This seems like a dated form of social behavior especially for a society that makes gender equality a top concern. That proclamation should extend to social mores. To the strong woman the best advice is to select a man based on his character. If appearance or social status is the only focus of a relationship, then it is always fragile. These things can easily go away with time. True feelings last forever. While the man your with may not reach your athletic feats, he may be wild about you. That seems more important. Sadly, none of us may never experience genuine love. We go through life struggling to find the warmth of another and many times it does not take off. This is no reason to quit or be blindly optimistic. Finding happiness starts with personal introspection. Attempting to get that from relationships can only lead to disappointment. Do not make this an excuse to isolate yourself, because of a few rejections. Going out of your usual comfort zone can be a great start. The female weightlifter that is afraid about getting stronger than her boyfriend is comedic. Date thin, fat men, or men who are not into sports. There are plenty of bachelors out there, you just have to pick. Having many selections can be hard if you do not know what you are looking for. Being stronger than the man you date is not the worse thing in the world.