Love and marriage are complicated. It can be an intersection between emotions, cultural mores, and sexual politics. The intricacies go to another level when exploring men’s attraction to a particular type of woman. The muscular woman and more specifically the female bodybuilder faces complications. It is not simple for men either. There are also occurrences in the bodybuilding subculture that one would not expect. Marcie Simmons explores the issues and challenges in these videos. The first explains why schmoes do not marry female bodybuilders. This at first overturns a preconception that they would be the first candidates to propose to women of this stature. The second video gives dating advice to men who actively want to be with a muscular women. Yet, there is problem with modern dating advice and courtship in general. There are double standards, unrealistic expectations, and some negative aspects from third wave feminism that have changed the way in which courtship functions. Relations between the sexes is constantly evolving due to shifts in culture and society. This may explain why it is difficult for some to find lasting or meaningful relationships.
The relation between female bodybuilders and schmoes seems to be unbreakable. As the sport struggles financially schmoes have contributed funds to athletes through their websites and session appointments. Such deep interactions between men and women, some would expect that it would blossom into something more intimate. Contact and communication between female bodybuilders and schmoes in common online, at contests, and even some gyms.
Marcie makes the astute observation that many of the schmoes want to keep their love of muscular women a secret. There is a level of embarrassment that these men feel about their sexual fetish and love of the muscular woman’s physique.This seems irrational considering it is not extremely deviant or a paraphilia . Societal pressure and conformity combined with sexist views of women make these men seem like outcasts. The physically strong woman is seen as abnormal and the man who lusts after her is considered a sexual deviant. These closed minded convictions are designed to maintain rigid gender binaries. Today men and women are revolting against this type of control. Gradually, there is some acceptance of the muscular woman in the sports world. However, it is slow among the general public. This explains why schmoes rather meet muscular women in private rather than in public. Sessions occur in hotels, motels, or the homes of the client. This is in a way a non-judgmental space in which men can embrace their love of female muscle. Muscular women can get praise that often is not displayed in their own sports circle or in the public. If a schmoe was attempting to find a female bodybuilder as a companion he must be ready to be publicly accepting of his love. Every woman wants acknowledgement from her significant other. A schmoe cannot have a functional relationship if he is attempting to hide the fact he is with a muscular woman.
Overcoming the pressure and stigma could be too difficult to do. The fact that schmoes might keep their love a secret could hinder them from starting a relationship with a female bodybuilder. Then, there should be other considerations. The men who go to sessions could be in other relationships or actually married. They may want to fulfill the fetish, but their significant other is just not physically capable of doing so. It should be understood that sessions are mostly a business activity, not speed dating. An athlete is offering a service to customers.
The other reason why schmoes may not marry female bodybuilders has to do with appearance. Men may focus more on a woman’s appearance, rather than her personality. The common myth is that men are extremely shallow in regards to appearance. Women can be too. There are women who refuse to even consider dating men who are shorter than herself. Schmoes may get to caught up in the appearance of the women. They do not focus on their other qualities, which could be just as impressive. It is unfortunate that men and women have absorbed shallow and narrow minded attitudes about appearance. A part of this is the result of advertising and popular media. It presents one paradigm of what is considered to be beautiful, but excludes alternative. These are gender based standards. The model is that of muscular man and thin woman. There has been a small, but growing movement for body acceptance, but it largely ignores the fit or muscular woman. There are now plus sized models appearing to accommodate women of larger body size. While that is progress the muscular woman remains on the margins. It also appears that few advocates show their support for the muscular female.
Marcie exposes that there becomes a fine line between just attraction and sexual objectification. The fixation on body parts either the biceps, triceps, or posterior reduces the woman to a thing rather than a human being. The idea that women are objects and property has been embedded so deep in various cultures it is negatively effecting relationships. Ignoring a woman’s more positive qualities ( as Marcie said “having a good sense of humor or being a great mom”) limits the potential of a long term romantic engagement. Marcie Simmons states there needs to be some balance. There is more to a person than their physical appearance. Understanding a person’s personality and temperament is better for a relationship. There is more to a woman than just her body. This seems to be difficult for some men to comprehend.
Marcie Simmons then theorizes that schmoes will not marry female bodybuilders is based on the fact that they do not want destroy their idolized image of them. Schmoes tend to have an immaculate image of the female bodybuilder. They are flawed just like everyone else. If this image of perfection is challenged it harms the schmoe’s fantasy. This could be more so a form of celebrity and idol worship. The individual may be seen as infallible ( in the mind of the fan), but if they discover their negative qualities it saddens them. The other reason is that the fetish may be ruined for the schmoe if he gets too much of a good thing. The alluring aspect about the strong and muscular women is that few exist. The uniqueness makes them almost a forbidden fruit to some admirers. If women like this were prevalent, the thrill would disappear for some schmoes. The more obvious reason is that men may want to keep their fetish separate from other parts of their lives. Getting involved with a female bodybuilder may be combining too much of a private and public element of the schmoe’s life. These meetings with muscular women too some is just to fill a primitive sexual urge.For other these session meets may not even be sexual at all. They may just enjoy the wrestling or enjoy the physical challenge. Then their is a curiosity factor. Some wonder if these women are really as powerful as they look.
While it seems that schmoes are not attempting to start any thing serious, one question remains. Why would women consider starting a relationship with schmoes? Women have the convenience of being highly selective, while men do not. Love may not conquer all in certain circumstances.
Another Marcie Simmons video discusses dating. Dating advice at times is either unreliable or ineffective. It goes off the assumption it will work for everyone and that women will be responsive to it. For all that feminism has done, it almost seems archaic that men have to ask women out. Why can’t women approach men ? If this is a true age of equality, the why are women just suppose to wait until a man approaches her? It seems that mores and behaviors that put women at an advantage do not disappear. Men would never ask women to equally contribute to the bill for dinner or some other form of outing. Men have to deal with rejection more often compared to women. Women normally are in more relationships during their lifetimes than men. First impressions are the most important and if that is ruined men rarely get a second chance. Men’s chances are limited compared to women for happy or lasting relationships. Chances are even more infinitesimal if a man is attempting to start a relationship with a muscular woman. While Marcie is not a dishonest talk show host getting one’s hopes up, there are some expectations that are unrealistic.
Women may not be looking for nice guys or gentlemen. Confidence is important, but that does not guarantee success. If there is going to be support it needs to go both ways. It is best to go to areas in which it is likely you will find a muscular woman.
One problem with seeking a muscular woman is that there are so few in existence. It is rare that you would spot a female bodybuilder anywhere.The average woman would not look like this. The amount of effort to achieve such strength and physicality is tremendous. Even what mainstream society considers beautiful is not the common body type of the average woman. The slender body type is just as hard to achieve as a muscular one. How one looks is a combination of genetics and also environment. Due to biology and endocrinology women are more likely to have a body with more fat tissue. Biology is not destiny, because appearance can be altered through exercise, surgery, drugs, and possibly genetic engineering in the future. There are women who are really dedicated to fitness who reach high levels. There are also others that have potential, but because of social pressure do not pursue such endeavors. The fear of large muscles still bothers some women. They may even avoid weights completely due to this irrational fear. Female athletes have even admitted at times they have problems with their muscular physiques. The fear of appearing “manly” has turned many women away from sports and exercise. This has changed somewhat with women becoming more interested in crossfit and other strength sports. Some women are even forming their own paradigms of beauty. These women are small group, but may be growing. Women are still underrepresented in sports and even more so in strength sports.
This means for small sport like bodybuilding, chances are reduced for relationships due to lack of numbers. It should be noted that not every woman who is muscular is a bodybuilder. The number can then be adjusted. There are women who lift, but do not compete in any sport. This would be mostly a recreational activity. This section provides more hope. They obviously are not hyper-muscular, but are in shape. Marcie Simmons does not make a distinction between female body builder and muscular woman. A female bodybuilder is a woman who develops here muscular structure to the maximum setting it to a particular standard of aesthetics. A muscular woman just a happens to have a morphic body type. If a man is looking for a muscular woman it seems a muscular woman would be easier to find than an actual female bodybuilder. More women are getting involved in sports and fitness, but the numbers are still small. This makes it more challenging for female muscle lovers.
There has been a common saying form some women who say ” I just want a nice guy.” The reality is that they select the opposite. The well mannered and gentlemen who treats a woman with respect tends to be the last selected in a courtship. Why is it that some women tend to seek men who are less than admirable or respectful to them personally? One explanation is the allure of the” bad boy.” He appears to be in control of most situations, rebellious, and lives dangerously. He may not respect the woman’s feelings or needs, but the charisma seems to have her comeback. Women psychologically may be seeking excitement in a relationship. This helps end the ennui of daily life. The thrill may be fun at first, but it will not be sustainable in the long term. Extreme cases may even result in abusive relationships. The problem also may be how women are raised. Women as girls are taught to be passive and pleasing to men. Assertion and a sense of self worth are concepts devoid of a girl’s upbringing. This would make them vulnerable to men who could be physically or verbally abusive. Imposing traditional gender roles does more than just stifle potential, but could be harmful to a woman’s well being. The man who some claim “acts too nice” seems like a ludicrous statement. Considering the amount of hate and rage in the world, kindness is needed in mass. Kindness should not mean being completely submissive to every whim of you partner. Too many men just become too excessive with accommodation that it harms the relationship. No one should be a door mat. Some men think that if they constantly agree with their girlfriend, even if she is wrong that will reduce tension. That only makes the situation worse. At times self assertion is necessary. The nice guy is also at a disadvantage when status is added to the equation.
Women whether consciously or unconsciously seek status through potential boyfriends or husbands. This could either be socioeconomic status , occupation, or some other marker. If a man has limited status in society finding a relationship will be more difficult. This again could be linked to culture. Women being independent is a relatively new concept, because most societies functioned on protectionism. Now that women can have careers and live freely the idea that men should take care of them is dated. Women can achieve high status, but rarely would consider being in a relationship with a man of lower status. Relevant to men who love muscular women, it seems rare that strong women who be with men weaker than themselves.This is also similar to women who would be unwilling date men who make less income than them. As frustrating as the reality is, nice guys may actually finish last.
Confidence is critical to any aspect of life. Confidence can secure a date or relationship, but not always. Insecurity is a negative attribute, however one can have all the confidence in the world and still have horrible luck. Women often in their selection of women confuse confidence for arrogance. This unfortunate misjudgment in character and quality can lead to unhappy endings. Many times people can be duplicitous about their true nature and intentions. False self is presented to others. A truly confident person does not need to boast or belittle others to elevate them self.This is an area in which men struggle. People tend to compare themselves to others, which makes them feel worse about the their status. A person should not focus on competition, but their positive qualities. making this qualities project can be an excellent display of confidence. The lugubrious reality is that even with such self assurance initiating a relationship still may not be successful. There is no simple solution or method. Many times it is a myriad of trial and error. That is the flaw with dating advice that has been so common in books and online media. There are no tactics that will work in every situation. Still, confidence is helpful especially if a relationship is started.
Support is necessary and even more so with a woman in a non-traditional activity.There will be instances in which their will be harsh ostracism and hateful vituperation.Men should be prepared to deal with the negativity. This could include extreme instances in which sexist and homophobic speech is directed at you. If you are going to be with a strong woman, you must have the fortitude to withstand the pressure from society’s closed minded views. Family and friends may not be accepting of a relationship that emerged between a female bodybuilder or muscular woman. If they are truly caring they will be accepting of your decision. Stares or rude comments can be an unpleasant reality, but if the bond is strong between the couple it can be overcome. The women in the relationship can contribute. Be willing to defend the man if he is being teased for his love of female muscle. Men also need to challenge any negativity directed at his lover. Other than dealing with society’s prejudice,men must understand that the sports woman is highly devoted to her goals and aspirations.
This does not mean she does not care about other things in her life. There may be times in which training takes away quality time. It should be understood that the relationship is not about one person. There will have to be negotiation and sacrifices in certain circumstances. Failing to come to an understanding will eventually lead to problems later on. She may not have time to see you a frequently as you like. Eating out my be difficult, because of strict dieting. Adjustments will have to be made, but as long as there is a general consensus it can work. It will be a challenge. It will be less strenuous if both are helping each other. The dynamics between couples takes effort. Another issue is the aspect of physicality. Marcie says in her video “I don’t think every female athlete would want to be with a bodybuilder.” It seems more likely women like this would. There could also be some men who enjoy the look of the muscular woman, but do not like the idea of a woman being stronger or equal to them physically. This is based on the archaic idea that men are strong and therefore have the authority to control women. The concept of woman as helpless weakling has been ingrained in various cultures and it will take many more years to challenge it.
Marcie at first says ” men should not focus on the outer shell” then revises that statement. She claims muscular or fit women would prefer men who are “health conscious.” Obviously this means a man in shape. Marcie just said herself ” women don’t want a slob.” This seems contradictory if one is not putting emphasis on appearance. If men should not see women as a piece of meat, women should not do it either. There is nothing wrong with having a preference; being shallow is a character flaw. A relationship needs more than just to based on appearance or physical intimacy. If a relationship is genuine then it can transcend these elements. If support can be established then a functional relationship can last.
If one wants to be with a muscular woman, you must go to areas where they may be. Marcie Simmons suggested gyms, health supplement stores, or possibly sporting events. One problem of modern day dating is that people have become more reliant on websites. E harmony and similar dating sites demonstrate that people do not want to make the effort in finding someone. While this seems convenient for a person that is busy or too bashful it cuts off exposure to different people. The profiles are matched by similarities and backgrounds. There is a possibility that one could find a person compatible who is outside their background. People also may not be entirely honest in their profile. Some adopted an online persona, which could be different from how they behave in reality. Embellishment some believe will get them noticed by potential mates.The pictures displayed on profile pages or information present may not even be correct. Another problem is if you are trying to meet someone new may be you should try dating outside your ethnic, religious, class, or social group. Just because two people are different does not mean it will not work. The majority of the population prefers endogamy, however traditions do change.
You have to be willing to take a chance and experiment with different approaches. There is a problem with attempting to get to know a woman in a gym. She is there to either train or just keep in moderate shape. Striking up a conversation would be difficult, because it would be an interruption to her and her focus. This would make you more of an irritation. The milieu may not be the best place for starting a relationship or date. The best way may be to start some casual conversation and see what happens. Health food and supplement stores may be more reliable, but there is another issue. People are focused on buying products rather than the immediate environment. There are two types of customers that visit stores browsers and people who know what they are looking for. If the woman is browsing there could be an opportunity to start a conversation. The trouble is getting a woman’s attention. One wrong comment can either be interpreted as sexual harassment or intimidating. Women do not have this problem. The best option is to go to sporting events. If there is a female bodybuilding competition in your area go there. There is a chance you may run into a muscular woman who just happens to be attending. Immersing one’s self in the subculture can increase the chances of finding muscular women. It involves exploration and leaving a comfort zone.
Feminism has impacted dating and marriage in both positive and negative ways. women’s status and equality has increased which was an important achievement. Women can get divorces and contraception has allowed more freedom. The negative aspect is that some third wave feminists claim they want full equality, while simultaneously demanding chivalrous treatment. The chivalrous treatment should not be confused with common curtsies like opening doors or pulling out chairs. It is the idea that men should take care of me, always adhere to certain demands ( no matter how unreasonable ), or agree with me always ( even if I’m wrong). These are unrealistic expectations some women have in relationships .The irony is that women who claim they are so “strong” and “independent” find themselves with the stereotypical “bad boy.” To an extent elements of feminism have made relationships more frustrating.
There is a common complaint that there are no good men present in the dating selection. However, this group of women never attempt to change the situation or seek men of higher caliber. The rhetoric of the third wave feminist “I don’t need a man” is preached, yet still there are women lamenting they do not have a relationship. The only way to improve a situation is to change behavior. Constantly complaining or being depressive will not solve the problem. If one is to believe in full equality, that means that their are some things women will have to do. That means sometimes paying for dinner or agreeing to compromise. Men should not be the only ones putting work into a relationship. Third wave feminists claim they want full equality, but seem to promote some freedom with privileges. You would never hear them say that women should register for the draft or equally provide child support. Then also, while there has been progress there are forces of repression in society. The attack on reproductive rights and the feminization of poverty are examples of why feminism may still be needed. There are parts of the world in which women are more vulnerable to domestic violence or being child brides. Women who live in the West are in a more privileged position. Yet, they do take that for granted. There is a strange cross roads that has been reached after the sexual revolution and the rise of third wave feminism at the end of the 20th century. Dating and marriage ( if it even happens to some ) have become chores, rather than something enjoyable. Meeting people has become more difficult in a new erratic atmosphere.
Dating and relationship advice may not be the most accurate or helpful. Sometimes it is best to listen to your own judgement. The difference with Marcie Simmons is that she is a bodybuilder who speaks with experience. She has been close to the subculture and is a member of it, so the information cannot fully be discredited. Granted it seems unlikely that a muscular woman would be interested in just any man, starting a relationship is hard . That explains why dating websites and dating advice books have become so popular.Many times people continue to struggle to find someone, only to be rejected constantly. They either just become bitter or quit entirely. These are not acceptable options. A person should not validate their existence relative to who they are with. Relationships come and go; marriages deteriorate over the years. Be secure with yourself and find your own happiness. Only then can you deliver it to others in a romantic engagement.May be one can find their special someone. If not it is not the end of the world.